Written on New Year's Day
Thanksgiving2005 has passed by real quick. I thank the Lord for seeing me through this year. There were countless of blessings, as always. Perhaps the most significant one would be His preservation throughout the A level period.
A level is, as many have said, the most difficult exam one will ever sit. I’m not old enough to make a judgment yet, but I do believe it for a simple reason. – 2 years’ work cramped and MEMORIZED for the few days. The examiners have to make it harder by making it necessary to memorize AS WELL AS on the spot application. This year, the examiners got even funkier by setting unusual questions to throw me off balance. Oh well… God made me sane enough to write SOMETHING.
My utmost regret in this experience is the fact that I cannot look back and say I’ve done my best. I cannot look back and say that I’ve done my best and therefore it’s all up to God now. Not that if I did I would gain anything by my own hands, what I meant was that I did not give my best to God and allow Him to use me in anyway in that exam. Because having NOT done my best, I must be responsible for any consequences that God will place me, and I cannot say with surety that I am at peace with God. Regret is regret; a mistake is a mistake; we reap what we sow.
The great blessing in 2005 is the opportunity to do a production for gospel purpose. I was given opportunity to produce a skit on Jonah for the DVBS, and a Chinese translation of it in Bukit Batok Homes for the Aged and Thuja Home. Being student of literature and lover of films and plays, it is naturally in me to want to do one myself. Although armed with shallow knowledge, God was willing to let me produce a play on Jonah. The message is that God will save us if we repent. Indeed, the hand of God is never shortened to those who are humble, and will save them like how He saved Jonah and Nineveh. Anyway, the chance to do this work gave me opportunity to work with youths. Thank God for providing enough actors. Thank God the production did not cease. Throughout the whole period, I confess of my temper which might have injured many and show myself arrogant. My apologies. =)
From all the on stage technical screw ups, I learn that it is always AND WILL EVER BE, that man propose but God dispose. We may practice, but God is the one who decides if we can perform up to mark. It was only after the major screw up in Thuja Homes that more prayers were made for it, and as such God granted a smoother flowing of the play at Bukit Batok Homes. Thank God. Through this work my brother also came to know a bit more of me. He sees and knows some of my church friends and church now. Thank God. My hope is that one day we’ll serve together in the same church.
Pastor James always says we youths provoke them to work, and always praises us. I feel so ashamed. 2005 saw Carmen becoming less zealous in the things of God compared to the time where I was revived in love and faith in Him. In 2005, I have not prayed enough, have not commit myself enough to God, and have not trust Him enough. So 2005 is actually quite misspent…in a sense. There is no satisfaction when live is lived without God in mind and God as aim. This lack of zeal in Him is one significant regret I have in 2005.
But overall, I thank God for preserving me. Though love has faint, faith has not and I can still assuredly know I’m saved through the cleansing blood of the Lord Jesus Christ who died for my sins. I just pray that it will not be another disappointment in 2006.
New Year Resolution
2006 will be a year of new experiences!! Let me name some of them:
1) Teaching in secondary school (English, sec 1s)
2) Teaching the older ones (upper primary kids) for block 195’s Sunday school
3) Working life, more mindful of the way money is spent
4) If God willing, Uni life.
Well, the first 2 are the most frightful ones. Haha! Teaching sec 1s is hard because I forgot what was expected of me and what did my teachers teach me when I was in sec 1. I have no idea what to do!! Really need God’s help. I also hope that I will be more than just someone who fills the shoes of another teacher; I don’t want to be just teaching examinable stuff. I want to be able to know one or two of them deeper. I want to be concern with the spiritual condition and morals of the student. Although in public schools I cannot teach the gospel, at least I want to teach them some life guidelines that God has stipulated. For example, to love each other, to do unto others as you want others to do to you, and MOST importantly, that they may all be humble enough to admit that they are under a higher Power. Man is not made from monkey and not maker of oneself. We exist because God wants us to, so we must not rob glory from God and think that we are the highest life form. I want them to want to know who this power we are subjected under is.
Teaching the blk 195 kids is also a challenge. For one thing, I’m not teaching them perishable and insignificant exam syllabus, I will be teaching them about God, Jesus, Himself. I will be covering the Attributes of God, and that is a dangerous task. I cannot anyhow make up God’s characters. I also need to let them be able to differenciate the Bible’s God. I am also new in teaching… So it’s a great responsibility that ought to push me towards greater prayer.
So what are my new year resolutions? This year’s theme for Church is Prayer. I think I’ll work around that also. Hmm… let me list my resolutions.
1) Pray more often.
All works are vain without prayer. I want to be like Moses, who dare not move another step forward if God will not go with Him. I ought to be as fearful as him – fearful about the lack of God in every step and every area in my life. Because where God is not there, it’s the devil who wants my soul in hell.
2) Let not the throne of my heart be taken by / shared with anyone but God alone should sit on it.
It is idolatry to put things above God or even as high as God. I have my personal feelings and worldly concerns which many a times occupy my attention to them rather then focusing all on God. This draws me away from Him. Thus, to prevent the painful process of pruning, I can only pray for the ability to esteem God the highest.
3) To be a godly lady.
I have not really read in depth about what it is to be a godly woman. The Bible’s words on it is succinct, but many Christian woman had written about their experience and personal living of God’s succinct instructions. I would read and would aim to be likewise God-fearing, God-loving, and charitable person.
4) To be more sober.
My tongue is often unbridled and I speak a lot of nonsense. Though most of them are jokes, I know many has gone overboard and became ungodly. Once again I ask for forgiveness those that I hurt with my flippant words (especially boss!). =P An attribute of godliness is a “bridled tongue”, like the Bible specified. I need to be less flippant and more serious, in another words, sober.
5) Show love towards my family more.
To cook, help out in housework to lessen burden of my mother. To talk more often to them. To talk more often to my brother. To be a source of encouragement and guidance of my brother towards the things of God.
6) Maintain the hobby of swimming. =P
That’s all I can think of, but they are already hard and will keep me occupied. Haha!!!! All of the above needs ardent and unceasing prayer.
Hmm…so it looks like 2006 would be an exciting year! May God lead me.
“Men ought always to pray and not to faint.” - Luke 18:1b