Whatever

The exams are here, and I'm struggling with being diligent. When I'm in school all is fine. I can study. When I'm home every motivation just falls apart and I keep giving in to doing nothing online. After which I will feel absolutely lousy. I hate myself.

And I keep eating when I study. It keeps me focused. I'm putting on weight fast. Shoot.

And I'm addicted to coffee. It doesn't matter if it works anymore, I just need to have it for assurance's sake. And if I feel down I'll go grab some expensive Starbucks coffee. Which is bad for my wallet (or purse).

21st birthday is coming. Don't know whether I should have a bbq or not.

And I feel like an outcast. Please don't make yourself a happy-2-of-us island. It forms a bubble around you and bounces everyone else off, makes any one who tries to talk to either of you feel like a criminal.

Crap. I'm losing it. Feel like flying to the moon, staying on that big white balloon and never come back. So what if there's no inhabitant? Having human beings around you can just be as depressing.